Yea! School started! Man, is that weird or what! I’m actually excited about being at school. Crazy.

My first day at school termed out beautifly. I didn’t have my first class, Writing Seminar, until 11:10, so I got to sleep in….and get to every Monday and Thursday for the rest of this term. Or, if i don’t sleep in, i get some time to make sure all my stuff is ready and prepared for the day if i need it. Nice.

This class is going to be just what i need to help me out with my writing. We’re going over many types of writing styles, but we are going to focus on research and argumentive composition. Which cooresponds to the typical acedemicly favored writing styles. We’re going to study grammer and syntax rules. And we’re going to dedicate much of our studies on the writing process in general. Thinking, pre-writing (developing thoughts and organizing ideas), drafting, writing, editing, re-writing, etc. It will be quite a challenge.

After this class i went and ate some lunch. Yum Yum burritos. But…damn did they give me some wicked stomach aches…gas gas gas. :-)~

Then after lunch, i went and sat in on a class called Chaos and Fractals from 1PM-2:30. This is an introductory mathematics class that i want to take because it fits well into my 3d graphics programming and design interests. Both for the mathematical prinicples in general, and in the specifically graphical nature of the Fractal formulas. Also because it’s introductory, and because i havn’t really played with math lately, i’m a bit rusty in that area.

Fractals are found in nature a lot, and can be used to generate graphics which can emulate in appearance such things as clouds, fire, landscapes, coastlines, snowflakes, many different natural textures, and plants and trees. Fractals are also found in other areas such as economics, politics, and life interation (ecology!) in general too. Do an image search on google for ( Fractals ) and you’ll find tons of pretty fractal pictures.

Interesting, yes, it is to me too! But, the problem is, there were 33 students who showed up for the class but only 20 or so can be admitted. And i wasn’t signed up for the class….so i didn’t make the waiting list. Oh well, we’ll see. Most of the students in the class….or a lot atleast are taking the class because they are seniors and everyone HAS TO have 2 quantitative reasoning (math…) courses for graduation. These types of courses are the least favored at COA. So, it’s a…..take it cause i have to take it….kinda thing. I’ve explained my real interest in the class, so maybe he’ll fit me in somewhere.

Then, i went home for a little while, and was back at school by 6 to check out another course i was interested in taking called Webdesign and computer animation. I say was…because now i’m taking it, not just interested. The course focuses on the design aspect of webdevelopment and also a lot on graphic design in general. This is exactly what i’m lacking. I was worried at first that this was going to be a crash course on HTML and webpage making, but it’s not. Well, it will be…sort of, but not at all really because of the tools we’re going to be using. Most of out work will be with Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop, which is for graphic design, and also with Macromedias Fireworks and Dreamweaver, which is for webpage design and layout. Combined, i feel this class gives me a chance to develop those skills which i’m lacking in. Page layout and presentation. And graphic design. (Maybe you havn’t noticed…but all my pages are very simple…and practically graphicless….and arn’t the most athestically appealing either. But…that’s not to say they’re ugly though.) So i’m sure this will pose a great challenge to me if i can approach the class right and if I push myself beyond my comfort zones.

So, this class is RIGHT up my ally. And, because i am very familiar with the web development and deployment, and computers in general, i am going to be of a lot of help in the class. Practically i will likely beable to call myself a teachers assistant. Which will be excellent for me to further introduce myself and show off my abilities to the COA community. Nice.

That’s all for today.

Tommorrow i will be checking out a couple of classes. One of these two will become my third class for the term if i don’t get into the fractal class. One is a class which i am SURE i have been admitted into called Green Technology. In this class we’ll be studying the effects of chemicals/synthetic materials/waste/land development/all sorts of stuff like that…in the environment, alternative sources of energy, sustanable/environmentally responsible business’s and technology, organic farming, etc. This class seems very interesting….and i will likely take it.

But….i also might take Green Houses and Gardening. Which is a course designed to study the process of organic farming…and the impacts it has on our existance and sustanablity. We’ll be studying all sorts of stuff that has to do with organic agriculture. We’ll be designing our own organic gardens, and will interact closely with the local community farms on Mount Desert Island. And much much more. Though because this course is offered every year….i will likely just take it next spring term.

I should know what i’m doing for my third class after tommorrow.

I was looking into taking a one-on-one tutorial with the music professor in using either Piano/Keyboard or Voice. I have been playing the piano again at home on and off, and have found my interest in it to be great! And even though growing up, my voice was never much used…..and not encouraged at home….i’ve recently come to find that i have potential. So i’m interested in developing my vocal skills.

But, unfortunately, all the tutorial spots have been filled for this term already, so i’ll have to wait for another day. But…i will still be practicing piano on my own. I would like to think i will also practice singnin….but for some reason…i’m still withdrawn and uncomfortable with my voice….and feel that i’m pretty sure i won’t go out of my way to develop it on my own. But, i’ve begun to sing to myself in the car and at home….and have downloaded lyrics to songs and stuff and have been trying to overcome this at times here in the recent past. So, who knows…..

That’s all folks. Life in the first day back at COA for Chris. And what a beautiful spring day it was!

-Chris

Posted by drpooville_Admin as College Of The Atlantic at 11:38 PM PST

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Chris Ward —- Winter Term of 2004 at College of The Atlantic

Self-Evaluations

Chris Ward —- Winter Term of 2004 at COA
Non-Profit Management with Shelli Bishoff:
I feel I meet my own expectations of the class. I came into the class with practically no knowledge regarding Non Profit Organizations (NPO) in general and NPO Management specifically, but I left with a pretty clear idea of what they are and what it takes to manage one.
This class was very written focused. Because I am lacking general composition skills, I struggled greatly to demonstrate my understanding of the topics discussed.
Shelli expected a lot from each of the papers assigned. I failed a few of them. But I feel that I was able to meet her expectations by the end of the term with a lot of hard work, independent support from Shelli herself, and a lot of extracurricular studying that was focused on writing in general.
I did every single assignment required, plus a few extra to make up for the ones which I had failed. I also articulated verbally what I was unable to in composition.
I felt that I did not participate in class discussions nearly as much as I would have liked too. I definitely learned a lot from the discussions that did occur though. I tried to participate in all manners possible, but when I did not know what was being talked about, I only listened. I think this was a good choice for myself and my other classmates too, because it allowed for the discussions to be more productive and focused.
In the end, I have a great understanding of ethics and accountability in the Non Profit sector, how Foundation Non Profits operate, other means for NPO’s to fund their operations, what it means to be a volunteer, the basic framework for how to start, develop and manage my own Non Profit ideas, and where and how to go about researching when I need additional information.

Chris Ward —- Winter Term of 2004 at COA
2d Design with Ernie McMullen:
I definitely feel that I meet my expectations for this class. My portfolio proves this to myself. So does the fact that I now have a new means of expression that has already proven useful in enabling me to face conflicts inside myself.
This has been my first art class on a college level. Even in high school, I only took one required art class. So for me to have done a number of projects that I felt were extraordinary was just that, extraordinary.
One problem I had with this class, though, was with the amount of work that required a lot of exploring and self-initiated study outside of the classroom. As I was unfamiliar with the processes of design and development of art, it was very difficult to get motivated to explore composing a piece of art. When working on projects assigned to work on wholly outside of class, I would repeatedly find myself not working on them until the day before or the day of it’s being due for critique. I would spend a lot of time per each project, but the work was always crammed into one long session instead of spending time on the project between multiple sessions. Because it was always so close to when the projects would be due, I usually felt rushed. I wish I could have had better time management so I could have soaked the process in a little more. This leads me to believe that the work I did could have been even better had I felt more comfortable with the process.
My final project turned out to be the most satisfying aspect of the entire class. After building my confidence in my artistic abilities, and learning how to better manage my time for composing and developing a piece of work, I used my new found talents to express my deepest feelings, which otherwise are very very difficult for me to express. The instructor and many other students were very affected by my work and praised me for it. I felt it as a great tool for myself in extracting my feelings to the surface of my mind so that I could more easily look at them in an objective manner. This helped me so that I could better understand how and what I was feeling and also that it was okay and very natural to be feeling the way I was. And, all and all, it was very therapeutic while dealing with hard times.

Chris Ward —- Winter Term of 2004 at COA
Modern Dance with Oscar Chanis:
Oh, what an amazing experience! I took this class for a number of reasons and each turned out to be satisfied!
One reason I took this class was because this is my first term at COA and I wanted to have a class which I could get to know many people on a more personal level than most typical academic classes. I felt that a great way to do this would be a close contact, interactive and social class such as dance.
Another reason I took Modern Dance was to do something I never thought I could do! All my life I have felt rigid and self-conscious of my body. I’ve always seen myself as “just another white boy,” so to speak, who was for sure unable to dance.
Finally, the main reason I took dance was because I needed to find a way to express myself; and this class looked promising, for I knew that we would be developing our own choreography, learning to use our bodies as a means of expression in general and that we would have a lot of close interaction with the other students.
Not only did I meet a ton of awesome, supportive, nurturing and very talented students at COA, I made myself ‘a star’ at COA by playing a couple lead parts in our term’s final performance.
I have never in my life been drawn to theater, actually, much to the contrary, but now my life has changed directions. I have found I enjoy being on stage a lot! I am very proud of myself for overcoming my anxieties and now feel assured that I have much hidden talent inside that should most definitely be pursued.
Before I took this class, and for much of the first half of the term, I was nervous to just let myself go and ‘get into the music;’ I’m now finding myself dancing and grooving internally and externally everywhere the music plays. Sometimes even when it doesn’t. I feel so good now when I am dancing and feel very comfortable even if I think I might look foolish. This course gave me a lot of confidence and it showed me that all I need to do is continue to trust my feelings and to trust my body.
I learned a whole lot about the art of dance, many different dance techniques, and a lot of the cultures and environments which surround the dancing world and all those immersed in it’s beauty. I also learned a lot about the art of developing choreography and much about working collaboratively in groups, large and small. I also learned a lot about myself.

-Chris

Posted by drpooville_Admin as College Of The Atlantic at 4:16 PM PST

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Right on! So, the past week i’ve been attempting to make use of my newfound time and money……that was normally being spent on pot. Yup, i’ve been spending it on my health in ways of good old home’ style cookin’.

I’ve already made 4 dishes i’ve never made before. 3 were complety experiemental (no recipies….) and 1 was from a mix of two different recipes.

My first dish was one of cubed chicken marinated in roasted garlic spegetti sauce (pre-packaged) and extra plain tomatoe sauce with extra minced garlic, jalapenoes, sliced tomatoes, onions, salt, pepper and cayenne pepper.

I tossed all this into a frying pan and cooked it good! Then, (well, before…) i cut up some green, red, and orange/yellow bell peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes and onions and fried those bad boys up in some vegetable oil. I call this, a stir fry. :-)

And i made some plain old white rice.

I served the complete dish with the chicken and sauce on top of a hefty amount of rice, and the stir fry on the side. It was quite excellent.

——————–

The next day…..i made some homemade Chicken Noodle Soup. Elisheva got a stomach bug and was very sick all day. So, i decided i would make her some soup to help her feel better, and so she could atleast eat something. She was having an impossible time keeping anything down at all…..it was not good.

So, i found two different recepies online for chicken noodle soup. One called for making even the broth from scratch, while the other called for using some chicken broth from a can. I did both.

I cooked up all the chicken for 30-45 minutes and had myself some weak chicken broth, then added it into the big pot which i had used 2 cans of chicken broth in. (before that….i skimmed the coagulated fat from the homemade broth….) I followed the recipie of the completely homemade recipie….(except for the additional two cans of broth) and used celery, carrots, onions, salt and pepper, some olive oil, and of course, the finely chopped chicken pieces.

It turned out excellent! I was the talk of the day at COA because i had made so much (over 4 quarts) that I let all the students still around campus eat as much as they wanted. And, most importantly, Elisheva really liked it too. :-)

———————-

Then, yesterday, i made another interesting chicken dish.

I mixed some salt and pepper, crushed red pepper (the kind likely found at a pizza restaruant), apple cider vinegar, a little water, and crushed totilla chips and battered it onto the chicken breast halves which i had beaten to a tender. Then, with the oven preheated to 450, i baked the chicken for 15-20 minutes or so. It browned up and turned out great!

Then, i made another stir fry. This time i used some extra veggies. I started with vegetable oil and juice sqeezed from half a lemon, and then cooked up some brocholli, cucumber, tomatoes, onioins, mushrooms, green, red, orange/yellow bell peppers.

And, i cooked up some Kidney beans striaght out of the can baby! Yum Yum.

Then…for desert i made myself a bowl of cookies and cream icecream with cut up fresh strawberries. Yum. One of my favorites.

———————

Then tonight….i changed up from chicken, and cooked up some pork.

I made a marinade from some spicy Red Chili Ginger and Garlic sauce, and with some soy sauce, a little ground nutmeg, some crushed red pepper, an egg, and a little butter. I beat the pork to a tender and let it sit in the mix for nearly 2 hours.

While the pork was soaking up the goodness, i had an adventure with some macaronni and cheese. I cut up a tomate, a half an onion, and two hotdogs, and added it into the boiling mac noodles. After the noodles were done, i drained them, added a little milk and added some mildly hot, premade nacho cheese and a handfull of sharp chedder cheese. And called it done. Yum.

Then, i cooked up some canned corn and threw the pork on the skillet and fried each piece up for 15-20 minutes.

It was all MOST EXCELLENT!

And….now that all that has settled into my tummy, it’s time for my icecream and strawberry desert.

Laters!

-Chris

Posted by drpooville_Admin as Recipes at 9:29 PM PST

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For all who remember the pain and frustration i went through when dealing with the conflict i had with Internetworks.us, I sent my ex-boss/ex-friend an email today that related very closely to my latest endevours. I feel ‘oh so much’ better now because i finally have been able to begin and feel more resovled with my feelings towards the whole situation. Though….i’m definatley not wholey resolved.

I was actually thinking about putting the email up here, but then i figured that’s getting a bit to personal and isn’t really appropriate.

I feel like my email to him is a big step in helping me get over my anxieties and down right being pissed off and resentful all the time about how things went down that i’ve been holding inside for a long while. I’ve been in contact with him on and off recently, but it was all basically a waste of time and only caused me more anxiety and frustrations all over again.

Basically, it doesn’t matter what i say to him, he’s so far convinced that the whole situation was my fault because i tried to ‘fuck him’ by trying to trade with him for a ’stolen computer’.

In short, here’s my side of the story.

I made a mistake of denying to myself the fact that a laptop my brother had sold to me could have been stolen. Which in turn led me to, without considering the consequences, trying to make a trade with my boss, that would have as far as i knew given him a great deal. (Which, by the way also, i had nothing AT ALL TO DO WITH getting this laptop. I was doing my brother a favor and i was doing Katie a favor, and I had no use for it and never touched it. And I was only doing Katie a favor by being the middle man for the trade because I knew my boss well, and he had something of value that Katie felt was worth more to her than the laptop itself…….I didn’t think Katie should have gotten the laptop to begin with…..but she thought the deal was to good to pass up. That only adds to the frustration.)

It was only within a couple months after the attempted trade though that we had in fact determined that the laptop was stolen and so was returned to the proper owners….though albeit again we we’re trying to trade the laptop to another…whom happened to plug the computer into the internet for the first time (the laptop was never used by Katie as she had antipicated and thus never was plugged up to the net or used in any way at all prior to this second attempt at trade…) and it beakoned out a signal which lead the authorities to us. We were prepared to take full responsibility and we were questioned but never seriously interigated or charged. But Katie did take a big loss and received hardly any money back from my brother whom very likely could have known (atleast told us of the potentiality of) the dubious facts surrounding the computer’s original owners.

Being that he declined the offer, but neglected to mention anything to me about his newfound distrust in me…. my boss began to treat me unfairly, like a ‘felon thief’, all the while letting me work harder and harder and longer and longer for his company and $5 an hour with only another $5 going back into his pocket. Illegal at best, fucked up at worse. He used me and exploited my personality until i could handle no more. Then when i finnally exploded and quit, he only then made mention of why he was treating me as he was and basically left me with no alternative but to file suit against him for the money i was owed. He kept telling me, over and over, “What, now that you’ve quit you think i should just hand over a check for one-thousdand dollars or what? What do you think i am?”

Bla Bla Bla, hell no! I was owed much more than a single check of a thousand bucks! For all the positive force i brought to the company and even to his family, he should have paid me 5 thousand bucks! Then maybe he’d actually be getting somewhere with his company because i would have felt atleast obligated then to continue and finish up the projects i was in the middle of or nearly completing. Check out www.internetworks.us, it’s in the EXACT place it was when i left, which i’m not sure what that means exactly….but i know when i was there, it was only maybe a month or a couple of months away from full-scale deployment, and we already were building a customer base! But yet…….it’s been over a freaking year! and counting! AND! Check out www.katyconnect.com, that’s the site that i was hired into the company for! Now the domain name is even being sold! What an ass!

Man oh man. I’m so tired of even thinking about this situation. I just want it to end. I feel that now that this is going to atleast bring an end to my axiety and overwhelming upsetedness. I am trying to no longer feel guilty for how i feel and the choices i have made.

I feel that this is a bit unfair to be so one sided….but oh well. Hopefully he will get on this website and post’s his feelings too.

-Chris

Posted by drpooville_Admin as Personal Endeveavors at 7:20 PM PST

2 Comments »

Morning!

Excellent news! All my test results came back as being ‘unremarkable’. My stress test showed that my heart responded normally to all phyical activity and my echo-cardiagram did not indicate that i had an enlarged heart and it showed that it worked quite normally. There were a few little things that were noticed, but all are apparently not to be concerened with.

Unfortunately though, i’m still having the chest pain and discomfort in general…..so….i will still be in search of answers.

Hopefully, being that i have a couple weeks for rest and relaxation during spring break, the pains will subside and all will be good. Which, if that is the case, i will just assume all the pains were from stress and anxiety, etc.

Otherwise, i am beggining to believe the pain might be caused directly from my quitting smoking. I think maybe the fact that i smoked as often as i did and for as long as i did….maybe my lungs are going through phyiscal withdrawl…..maybe they’re crying for my to smoke again.

Or, maybe i’m having some type of ‘heartburn’ like problem. I’m not so sure about this one, but it’s been mentioned to me, so i’m definately keeping it in mind.

Hmmm….i don’t know! Arg. Atleast it’s not my heart.

By the way, i havn’t smoked in 3 weeks now. I have definately wanted to and wanted to and wanted to and then wanted to again and again and again……and…………so……….on……… But I havn’t.

I don’t know what i’m going to do to replace the habit. I think i might start cooking. I really want to do this, but i havn’t gotten the motivation yet to hunt out recipies that i’d like to start my new hobby with. And, i have a difficult time determing what i want [to eat in this example] anyways.

I have a issue upfront of being motivated to do stuff for myself anyways…..so there is a problem with cooking…because i’d be doing it for myself. This is a good excersise for overcoming this, but the issue is circular and that makes it more difficult.

Man, there’s a ton of stuff that have are undeveloped in regards to my interpersonall self. As smart and intellectual as i might be externally, it doesn’t do a damn thing for my own good when it comes to being honest with myself and trusting my feelings. “feelings”, what the hell are those.

(BE AWARE……this is all me TRYING to express how i feel. I’m not totally sure if i’ve hit everything correctly. This takes time to gain a clear understanding of how i feel…..but i’m very proud that i’m doing this at all….)

Even though i really do know what they are and can analyse other’s feelings and be very good at supporting others and nuturing their needs, i, at times am very afraid i can’t do this for myself. I want to think that saying ‘can’t’ is bullshit in the end, but in so many ways it certainly is not BS in the present, now.

I’m strong and independent, but yet weak and dependent. I need more help than i seek out for. And when i’m recieving it, my defensives are almost always on high, except when i’m aware that they are at work. Then i’m just quiet and my mind feels numb.

My awareness of my self and my needs is very bad. Or, when i am aware, somehow i ignore the sign’s i’m getting through my ‘feelings’ and avoid them or supress them all together. I definately hardly ever actively ingage myself in dealing with them.

Most of the time this seems to happen because of guilt. I see that a lot of my guilt is caused by my honest feelings inside, and what i feel the meaning/interpretation of them to the outside will be. I avoid doing things which might hurt other’s feelings, or make me been seen as aggressive and i don’t want to make others feel alone or abandonded. Or if i might be misunderstood, made transparent and be seen as being vulnerable, weak, dependent, immature, scared. Or if i might be represented as being horny and sexist or chauvinistic. And (off topic…..but a true frustration…) even though i’m very secure with having gay friends and being close to them as friends, I still am affected and influenced by what other’s perception of me regarding affection to other males and ton’s of other stuff that could be seen as being gay. All, and more than i have been able to express right now cause me to be very confused and witdrawn at times. It all should not effect my deciciveness as it does. I do not want be so insecure about these issues any longer. I want to be confident in myself. I want to be free and confident in myself. I want to be…..myself.

I have already had so much help in becoming aware of these issues while in my relationship with Katie, and now that i am not in the relationship (also now not being held to certain unconcious standards of not being myself…), I have this disire to continue to have an outlet for that expression that i once only had out of force. I believe i am able to continue to open up to myself like i am now because I know how good it does feel to beable to ‘get things off your chest’. I know how much one can grow inside as a person when one allows themself to just be. I feel that ‘I’ am good enough in just being ‘Me’. But i still hide from ‘me’ on a regular basis. Where are the boundaries!? Are there any? Should there be any? Arg.

I know also how bad it feels to keep things inside, and how bad resentment and confusion can get when I do so. I know this guilt is uneccessary and have been aware of the symptoms (not the cause or cure) for a long while. I now know that i can overcome this guilt by being honest and trusting in my feelings and emotions as being valid. Atleast for now, just aknowleging that they exist and letting them surface and be expressed no matter whether they are correct or even reasonable is a good step up. (I guess if there are any steps involved, this is step two and is being worked on now…..step one, is being aware they exist…in my relationship with Katie, I was made aware of these many issues of the self.)

In my own time i’m working very hard to grow. I gotta lot work to do. Nothing is going to be fixed by itself. Just being aware of the issues is not a solution to them. Though, oh so much do i want that to be the case. But, these problems are deeply engrained in my being that they are acted out by myself instinctively and uncounciously. I can not just ‘get over it’. I must build new connections that override those that i was born with. And even more so, I must ‘relearn’ my responses to feelings and emotions that i was raised with for ’survival’.

If only when i realize i’m ‘fleeing’ from my emotions, i could stop the ‘flight’ response. Usually though, at that point, it only gets harder for me. Especially when there is pressure or expectations put on me to stand and be expressive.

This is not at all immediately life threatening per se, but i feel that by continuing to avoid these conflicts, my life experience will not be what it could be and in the long run, it might very well be dibiltating to my health, phyically and mentally. Much emmotional pain, confusion, anxiety, and irrational guilt comes from not trusting my own feelings as being valid, and that affects myself and all those around me and especially those who are closest to me. And, i’m sure much phyical pain, suffering and illness seems to come from this equally.

I’m surprised i even found this much and was able to express it all, but i’m sure there is more. I hope to keep surprising myself.

Comfort is my goal, but not my solution.

I’m actively seeking out knowledge and wisdom from other’s whom have expereinced this difficult emmotional/interpersonal growth. No hypocrisies though. I don’t know exactly what i mean by this, but i think it means that i want support which is on an equal playing field, one who is willing to break down and be one with me and my issues and allow me to be with their’s equally. Not one who will only act as the intellectual and annaylizer of my issues but at the same time….ignore/aviod/supress their own just as I realize i have been doing. Interesting delima though, being that i myself am very much one of the hypcrites of which i am speaking of…….hehe. But, i’m trying very hard to walk my talk…. who know’s….we’ll see. This is very difficult and very confusing.

I’ve found a VERY interesting book that has brought enlightenment to much of what i’m speaking of now. To everone reading my Blogs. This book is HIGHLY recommended for anyone who feel’s they have been avoiding being honest to themselves about their feelings and emotions, those whom are ignoring their own personal needs, those who feel trapped, confused, and especially self-destructive.

Though the book is directed mostly at males and the overwhelming characteristics of what happens when males try to maintain/prop up their masculinity and otherwise ‘manly’ traits, females should read it too for understanding of how difficult but common this emotional/interperonal struggle is for men. Please message me if you would like some info on the book. It’s the prepatory step in trusting your feelings as being valid and i feel it will likely enlighten you as to the fact that YOU ARE (I AM) NOT ALONE.

Love you all

-Chris

Posted by drpooville_Admin as Personal Endeveavors at 12:04 PM PST

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Here’s my Final paper for Non Profit. The assignment was…..
” Write a memo to a potential donor that requests support for an organization or a program. The memo should briefly and simply describe the organization or program, and should define the nonprofit structure (managment and leadership), systems (finance, information, reporting), staffing (staff, volunteers) and strategies (marketing, fundraising) that will be in place to support successful accomplishment of outcomes. Conclude by requesting an specific amount and explaining why the donor should support your organization or program”

————————————————————————-
Cover Sheet
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Mount Desert Island Linux User Group

MDI LUG

“Linux as an operating system is powerful — but Linux as an idea about software development is even more so. Linux is a free operating system: It’s licensed under the GNU General Public Licence. Thus, source code is freely available in perpetuity to anyone. It’s maintained by a unstructured group of programmers world-wide, under technical direction from Linus Torvalds and other key developers. Linux as a movement has no central structure, bureaucracy, or other entity to direct its affairs. While this situation has advantages, it poses challenges for allocation of human resources, effective advocacy, public relations, user education, and training. ”

– Kendall Clark and Rick Moen –
— www.tldp.org –

By Chris Ward

——————————————————————-

To Robert Hunter,

I, Chris Ward, President and Executive Director, as well as the other officer’s and members of the newly formed Mount Desert Island Linux User Group (MDI LUG) want to thank you for the time and support you have given thus far towards bringing awareness and excitement of the Linux Operation System closer to home on our small Mount Desert Island community and the surrounding areas.

Mr. Hunter, with your help, in giving ideas, suggesting, and greatly supportive enthusiasm to the cause of MDI LUG, we’ve made it a long way already in meeting our Mission and goals to provide community services and education of Linux technology to local residents. Over only the past one year of MDI LUG’s existence, success has been proved in our efforts already. With only four major community conferences and a few general meetings, we have already an active and very interested membership of a little over 30 people. But for us to continue to develop our program’s and more importantly maintain what we have already, which are currently meeting only a small portion of the local community needs we’re going to have to ask for a bit more. MDI LUG humbly requests for you to upgrade your commitment to becoming a sustaining investor. And we would also like to request that you consider turning your company, MDI Linux Consulting and Services into a corporate sponsor of MDI LUG as well.

We believe at MDI LUG, your candidacy for our direct request of support is justified by the terms in which you will indirectly benefit by the donation. We see that your very closely involved through your personal connections to Linux development and through your commitment to Linux at work. We feel it to is alright for us to assume that with strengthening Linux and other Open Source Software (*1) in the competitive software markets will be uplifting to your spirit and profitable at the least.

For, as Linux user’s become more advance through time, and as there are more Linux user’s in the general area due to MDI LUG’s community involvement, your consulting firm should inevitably develop a larger customer base. It will for sure gain new customer’s, as MDI LUG plans to pass user’s your way that have complex problems that require a higher capacity and more dedicated efforts than MDI LUG has resources to be able to provide.

And as an individual, you will certainly gain recognition, as you have already, for your support in the efforts of MDI LUG to provide community services to the residents of MDI and the surrounding areas.

MDI LUG intends to direct its’ efforts to a few different groups of people in the community specifically. But, by no means is this an exclusive list.

The first and most obvious group MDI LUG will work towards attracting is all those who are already consider themselves as Linux Users, and also those who are at least already familiar with the operating system. MDI LUG will give these user’s a positive community center to percolate and expand development of the Linux Operating System and other Open Source Software. It will be a place for user’s to teach others and to advocate Linux and the Open Source philosophy. User’s will be able to gain recognition in the Linux community worldwide and equally gain it locally for their efforts in service the Linux community and the local community respectively. And, MDI LUG will provide an excellent environment for socializing year round, especially during the depressing, isolated winter months in Maine.

Some results we are looking forward to brag about achieving through programs and services provided by MDI LUG are relating to a very prominent group of individuals in the community. The elderly.

As we all know, grandma and grandpa did not grow up with computers, Internet, email, etc. and many have never been in contact with these system’s at all. We also know that many older people in the community need help in getting away from their unintentional isolated lifestyles, caused by pain, weakness, and codependency on other’s help, which keep them out of touch from their loved one’s, friends and the community in general. Many also become very bored and just need to have something other than watching the television to keep them entertained.

We at MDI LUG feel that these issues are very important to the community and want to do our part in giving those who have lost the ability to reach out to the world on there own a chance to live with more independence once again. Our idea to solve this problem is simple and it provides an awesome opportunity to many more than just the elderly to be an active community member.

We plan to install Linux on old, refurbished personal desktop PC’s and donate them to elderly people whom have lost touch with the outside world.

With the exceptionally high level of custom-ability available with the Linux Operating System, MDI LUG feels using this OS is a very practical solution to encourage the elderly to use home desktop computers. Some things which are very easily customizable in the Linux Operating System that are not as easily configurable without high software costs from software products from Microsoft are the ability to have the screen be super high contrast mode for easier readability, easily install speech recognition for the blind at no cost, zoom lens software for those with very bad sight, also at no cost, simple, easily navigable desktops that makes it so all can be more able to get to where they want to go.

The only problem that we can see at MDI LUG when thinking about implementing such a service, is that many elderly normally feel that computers are much to high-tech and complicated to learn how to use, and so are intimidated by them and feel they should not come near them. At MDI LUG, we feel that this problem can be solved by providing local community service opportunities to local school students and volunteer’s otherwise as well. MDI LUG would gratefully organize and manage a community service exchange program to connect students, etc. who are looking for a fun experience in volunteering to those elderly who need assistance. They would get their chance to volunteer their time to help their communities elderly, while also helping themselves.

Other long term plan’s MDI LUG has is to develop a technical reference library and an archive of Linux Operating System distributions and other Open Source Software too. The reference library would be built indirectly through donation’s not to MDI LUG, but to its’ generous friend, partner and donor, Thorndike Library. The software would be available to the public on demand through an Internet archive which gives a free, direct download option. Or, individuals can request a copy of the software from MDI LUG on a CD for only a very small price.

On a weekly basis, MDI LUG will be hosting general meetings, which will be held at the College of the Atlantic’s graphics lab and/or Thorndike Library’s computer lab. These are the heart of our organization. Mostly, these meetings will be reserved for individual user questions and answer forums. But we will also teaching newbies how to install, configure, debug and operate Linux. As well, we will go over numerous items of business such as nominations, elections, finances, future planning, etc.

These spaces and equipment, plus College of the Atlantic’s’ Lecture Hall and the use of their top of the line LCD , computer screen projector have been generously donated for use by MDI LUG. They will be used when we have speakers and presentations, when we cover HOWTO’s or workshops and it when we host our large quarterly seminar’s on topics of major importance concerning Linux.

Regularly,
MDI LUG will also be taking to the streets with a Linux demonstration toolkit system to advocate MDI LUG and Linux to all the local communities. Some ideas for places to demonstrate Linux’s capabilities are at local school’s and colleges, libraries, churches and many different community market places.

To manage all these activities, having a committed group of diverse volunteer’s and devoted Linux enthusiast’s is necessary.

All chair positions and officers, including my own will be open for change through an electoral process on an annual basis. Any participant in MDI LUG has an equal opportunity to being nominated and elected. But all positions will be highly scrutinized by other constituents and equally able to be abdicated by electoral process.

As I’ve stated already, I, Chris Ward am the President and Executive director of MDI LUG. And the basics of my role in MDI LUG are as follows. I have the responsibility to ensure that everything possible is being done to keep MDI LUG running smoothly and on the right track. I set all the agenda’s for meetings’ and making preparations for and coordinating all that is involved with hosting guest speakers and all Linux demonstration events. I act as the MDI LUG webmaster. And if any other officer is absent, I will ensure their role is not left unfilled by taking responsibility for the officers role temporarily then calling for elections to fill the seat.

Other officer’s that are currently chaired are that of the Treasurer, whom is responsibly for all fiduciary activities; the Secretary, whom does all managerial work like keeping minutes, updating membership lists and conducting the elections and overseeing website development and the information posted on it; and finally, the Director of Public Relations, whom will be responsible for advertising and promoting all MDI LUG activities and events.
To ensure MDI LUG act’s responsibly and is accountable for it’s actions, a small board has been formed, whom are all also elected on a annual basis. Our board is defined to ensure the finances are being handled properly and continue to be open to public scrutiny one-hundred percent. They are active donors to MDI LUG and also serve to identify and locate sources of funding outside of generous user donations. They are also expected to actively seek out and recruit volunteers and also are a major source of advocacy and publicity for MDI LUG and Linux in general.

To iterate, all finances, including budget and ledger of accounts will be transparent and open completely to public viewing. Mainly, this will be accomplished by posting all financial data available onto our website for all to view. We figure that since we are using other’s charitable donations, those who have given have every right to know that their money is being appropriately spent.

Even though our exact budget has not been finalized and surely won’t be until the end of this year, the major components required by MDI LUG to operate are as follows. Lab space, computer systems and equipment, Internet access, a Lecture Hall and a LCD projector, transportation, other guest accommodations and traveling expenses, the same from volunteer MDI members who are sent on the road to conferences and the like, promotion costs and stuff such as blank Cd’s, and printing supplies.

As it may be, by the generous giving of College of the Atlantic and Thorndike Library, much of these expenses have been provided for at practically no cost to MDI LUG. Though, in return for their generosity, MDI LUG has also set aside a portion of its’ budget to give back to both of these non-profit organizations by donating some funds to them directly and we also plan to provide them with in house computer services and maintenance for free.

Some significant expenses MDI LUG will come across will be from promotion and advertisement purchases, bank fees, meals, traveling expenses, upgrading and maintaining computer equipment and copying and other supplies necessary for managerial operation.

Some sources of revenue MDI LUG sees as significant outside of what is received from donations from individuals like yourself are small profits earned from selling Linux merchandise, like archived Linux and other Open Source Software Cd’s and profits from selling vendor provided t-shirts and equipment. Also we have implemented a very small fee for all referrals to consultant firms that in turn make profits from the referee from MDI LUG. And we also hope to have success, like many LUG’s worldwide, in receiving grants from Foundations focused in the Technology, Community Services and/or Education fields.

But, all truth be told Mr. Hunter, it is only through support from individuals such as yourself that we can ensure that the programs and services provided by MDI LUG are to continue and be successfully. So, again, we at MDI LUG request that you honestly consider all the MDI LUG will do for you and the communities you love so dearly. We ask that you please consider donating to MDI LUG’s cause. All we ask is for $250, but if you can go higher, the more the better. And, if you could also donate as a corporate sponsor, $250 to $500 would help us tremendously!

Sincerely,

Chris Ward and Friends @ MDI LUG

Posted by drpooville_Admin as College Of The Atlantic at 6:13 PM PST

1 Comment »

Man i have super mixed feelings about this week.

Obviously I CAN”T WAIT for the test’s to be done so i have a glempse into what lies in my future, or more hopefully, what does not lie in my future! For i have been very worried the past week now that i truely am afflicted with HCM because of the unusally wicked resemblence of systom’s i’ve had that are linked with HCM. But, i still try to tell myself that it could be purely physcological now, though i have a hard time believeing it.

Specifically, i’ve been very aware of my heart beat. It seems to regularly be way to powerful. I can feel it pumping on a regular basis, and usually, i never noticed my heart beating without actually taking time out to try and notice it. I also feel that my breathing has been very irregular lately. It feels like i am unable to naturally take deep breaths. All seem to be short when i’m not forcing myself to breath deeply, and even when i do, i feel i have a difficult time inhaling and exhaling smoothly. Arg. I really hope it’s all just physcological. But, the problem is, my chest pains have returned with some force again. For just a while they had died down and i did really notice any pain, but starting yestday, and more today, my chest has been hurting again. If it continues to hurt, i will see the Dr tommmorrow and see what can be done about it.

At the same time though, i want this week to last a long time, because i’m kinda scared about the reality of how this will affect my life. Also, this is week 10 and i have a final art project to work on that is due this friday and a final Non Profit Paper that i have due thursday. (i’m done with dance….the show was amazing! Let me know if anyone wants a copy of the DVD that will be released)

Luckily, Ernie, my 2d design teacher has been super supportive. He’s released a tremedous amount of pressure from me in allowing me to make this final project thereputic. He’s bacially told me ‘not to worry’ and so i am not. But i was at first.

What i’ve choosen to do since we spoke is to take all the confidence and skill’s i’ve attained while in his class and use the project as an expressive head drawing. As opposed to a still life, pure observational drawing like we have been working with all year. Since i’ve been quite bogged down with all this HCM stuff, and it’s been rocking my emotions, i am going to just let my feelings appear on paper and have fun while i’m doing it. I’ve already thumbnailed my idea for the project, and it basically goes like this.

On a 24×18 inch sheet of high quality paper, i’m going to draw, in graphite, exactly how i feel about the situation. I’ve composed the drawing by sectioning off areas of the page to fit indiviaul images that represent my emotions and thoughts.

In a square that fits accross the entire width of the top of the page, and is about 5 inches in height, there will be an image of an exposed brain.

Underneight that, will be another section of the same size, but which is separated further into 3 individual sections of about 6 inches across each. The left most square in the section under the brain will be of a spirialing universe into a black whole….The middle section is of a heart, and the right hand most square is of the Earth. Connecting each of those image is set of veins that move accross the page, one set of vessels goes from the Earth and connects to the right side of the heart and the other leaves the heart and spirals down the black hole.

Underneight that set of images will be another section of the same height, but will be separated into only 2 sections, down the center. The left rectangle will be of an eye and half a nose. The eye is open. The right rectangle is of the other side of the nose, with a closed eye. (this might change…..i might just have both eye’s open or closed…depending on which of the three choices looks best, or the left and right eye, one being open and the other closed might switch sides)

Under that then will be a larger square, about 10 inches in height and the full width of the page, that will have a mouth that appears to be shouting.

Then under that will be the final section, being about 5 inches in height, like the most of the other sections, and covering the entire width, will be a thoat that has a thick knot in it.

Yup, that’s how i feel about this whole situation.

The Non Profit class however, i’m not going to be able to get any pressure release from. I really need to do the final paper as if nothing was wrong with me…..because i’ve already not done to well in the class as is. I’m pretty sure though i should be able to complete the paper in time and with confidence. Well, not to much confidence…because i still don’t feel comfortable writing acedemically, but that’s just tough shit i guess…..cause i’m going to do what i gotta do. I’ve spent a lot of pre-thinking time about how to write the paper, and i’ve done a lot of thinking as to what exactly i need to write. I feel already that i have a pretty good chance at writing a good paper, but i just have not had the time enough (because of all the dance practice going on last week) to start writing the paper. Actually, i still have more work to do organizing my thoughts…and i’d really like to develop a outline before i dive into writing the paper.

Man i wish i had better writing skills. (i know with these blogs it seems like i do have writing skills….but it is different that the work i have to do for school. I’ve seen improvement in my ability to express my thoughts clearly since i’ve been writing in the blogs…..and i’m sure it will be of good help when i start trying to write this final paper. )

I know i have the writing skills in me…..i just am ignorant as to how to use my abilities properly….or something….i don’t know! Arg.

Want to hear some good news!?

Yea! I have a girlfriend! I have a girlfriend! Wa HOO! :-)

Her name is Elisheva Rubin. I’ll post up a pic of her here, and you can also see her dancing so beautifully in my PhotoAlbum pictures of COA Dance Practice. She’s in the bottom right, or center of ever photo. She’s wearing white top and black pants! Go Elisheva Go!

She’s just amazing. As i’ve been adjusting to all the changes in my life, and before i met her loving expressful eyes on friday night (the 5th) which pulled me deep into her soul; she had been there for me numerous times i needed a hug, or a moral booster. She was there for me even though we did not know each other. She can read emotions and feelings very well and is super nuturing and supportive! She’s so sweet, kind, generous, beautiful (also read….sexy as hell!), intellegent, proud, confident, ambitious, cultured, open-minded, amazing!

She’s from Israel, and is a devoted Jew. That’s pretty interesting for me; because i am agnostic, if not a bit atheistic. But, i’m most definately open to being made into a more well rounded, cultured accepting indivdual. I’m pretty excited to learn about her culture and religion, which is a big part of life for her. I would love especially to partake in the celebrations and other festivities that are a big part of her life.

I feel i will be able to accept her ways of life and support her belief system because they are very positive and not overwhelming to me in the least. She’s accepts my beliefs; and does not appear to have any feeling of need to change them. And i feel the same.

Everyone has only their own ideas in this life for how this work and what happens outside of our physical being; and that is powerfull no matter what the ideology one lands on is; as long as a balance can be made, there should be nothing but good times and character building between our two separate views.

Her family ownes a business….man…is that jewish or what! hehe! :-) They have a beautiful house in Israel with an gorgeous garden covering a huge area around it. Their family business is operating a bakery and making cheese, which is all run out of their house.

Elisheva has traveled around the world and back! She’s lived in more places than i’ve even heard of! She speaks Hebrew as her native language, and speaks Arabic (i think….) and English. She’s an aswome cook too!

Because of her, the past few day’s have been pretty bareable. I haven’t had the whole heart issue on my mind nearly as much as it was on wednesday, thurday and friday after i learned about the potentiality of me having HCM. She’s SO comfortable. She so understanding, and is SO attracted to me it makes me feel so good inside!

But….still….unfortuanately, my heart still hurts……so…again, i am still afraid that i might be afflicted with HCM or something because i would have imagined with love, the pain would have ceased. :-(

Well! We’ll see how things go!

-Chris

Posted by drpooville_Admin as College Of The Atlantic, Personal Endeveavors at 8:56 PM PST

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