“Fear”

Fear

If I had other parents than the one’s I have

Fear is the parent instead

And it bends me

You see

I was an idealist

Too believe

In the things of the unseen

My mom and dad have been fear to me

Yet through my experience

The fear is loosing its importance

And I am turning to the lance

To do away with this…

Now don’t get me wrong

I’ll continue to believe

Even though he’s forgot of me

It matters not

You see

I don’t need to believe

I simply choose to do so

Even if this God thing is not a thing

But is an imaginary being

The idea of him

Or some kind of relation with him

I don’t see I have

And I’ve maid my trek

And all the things I know of him

Has been from someone else’s

Relation

Or there keen imagination

So I bring out the razored sword

And begin slaying the tree

Of fear

That I should know

In something

That is so completely clean

Wholesome

And unadulterated…

Let’s see if I can make it clear

God, I do not know him

I wish I did

So I can walk and show him

The things that aren’t right

That anyone would say

Shouldn’t be on this earth

In any day

Or any night

And I’d tell him

Why do you scare men?

So that you may have a relation?

That’s a bully to me

And if anyone sits back to see

They would say the same thing

And I hear you created this world

For the purpose of the freedom of choice

But I tell you

If I don’t choose the supposedly right way

That when I die

Hell will be my life

And it’s said that you’re the Agape

So how in any way do you condemn

When before the beginning

You were this kind of being

Yes, and I say were

For it’s you that does the choosing

On who you will give your blessing

That’s up to no man

And even I can understand

This is in your hands

And I’m an uneducated man

Of only 30 years

And you have all ways been

If it were up to me

All are forgiven

For we don’t really know what we’re doing

We’re only guessing

So

Judge me

Judge me

Judge me

My life is in a blink of your time

And for what I know

You can put me in hell

For the lack of my control

When I can’t control even me

Since it is you that is good

And it must be you

That does the good things

I don’t know you

And you say I must

But I’ve looked

Until I did bust

I would of loved

Or love to be your friend

But I guess that’s my imagination coming up again

Fear

It’s made me run

But no matter where I go

Fear is there as well to show

So what does it really matter

Of my belief

Or my character

For what I really believe is you’re not around here

Or you simply don’t care

What goes on here

So freedom of choice

I actually don’t believe

For in my freedom of choice

Can put me in hell

So where is the freedom in such a thing?

You’re just

The biggest bully

That has ever been

If I don’t choose you

I’m the eternal dieing

And that’s you kicking my ass

Where in anyplace is the unconditional love in that?

And only you

Know my heart

And I’ve looked for you

But you turn and run

So I’m going to probably in time

Forget about you

Because what I know of you

Is fear

Hell bound

Silence and dieing

Judgment

Of the living and dieing

And I hope that I’m completely wrong

But there is no changing for the better

Until you come along

I do realize this

That who one is around

They will mirror their being

So why aren’t you around

You the creator of being

Is it truly because we’d die

If you were in sight

Or is it just

Man’s imagination

So we’ll get through this thing

Called living?

And yes I know

I’m speaking with boldness

But I’m tired of believing on stories

Rather than the wholeness

Of you…

Fear

Is a piece of shit

Yet I’m full of it…

But this I will say to all this writing

It would be cool

If we could be friends,

And you know that’s true

In what I’m saying…

But who am I

I’m just a man

Why would you want to be fiends

With a mere man?

Now that’s something

I can understand…

The thought of you

Has consumed most of my life

Again I’m tired of imagining

Wrong and right

And being judge on my plight

For how would you fully understand

What it is really truly like

To be a real man?

Ok, so you lived through your Son

The chosen one,

But still you were you

With specialties and knowledge

That brings a mere man to his knee’s

So you can’t give me that

I know what it’s like,

For no you do not

To the pinnacle

Of life…

And oh yes

Those who I am in love with

And are friends

I don’t fear them

Or have to question our friendship

Or the relationship with them,

We simply are

Kind, and sometimes not

But that doesn’t end the relationships of us

So either this writing

That I share

Is to the one whom is paramount

Or to the one who has denied him,

I do not deny

For my needs are met

For to simply keep me alive

I’m not sure why

But when it comes to the pure goodness of life

Well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

It’s only fear

That does the driving

So where are you

My life being?

And maybe in first sight

I’d throw you to the ground

And wrestle you

For your own plight

And it might last for days

But if you are whom I’ve heard you are

I would do no harm…

But I’m tired

So very, very tired

I can’t tease myself anymore

In the things that aren’t,

I have wrestled to believe

On the account of fear

Again I’m tired

I think I’m going to lay down

Right here,

I’m tired of this wrestling with fear

Judge me

Judge me

Judge me

But you first will wake and wrestle me

Until you see

The life of man

For I don’t think you see or understand

You will say let us reason

I’ll say in what

You’ll boast of yourself

And I’ll say so what

Is that a reasoning for me to believe

In the you

Let’s truly reason

I just want to do away with fear

And be friends

And you know that’s truth.

I care not that you sit on high

That you’re life

It’s true I’m thankful

But that isn’t a friendship

That’s only me being thankful

So I’ve looked for you

But I don’t care anymore

Your standards are too high

For this iniquity

Plus I’ve never had a friend

That I’ve had to question

Whether or not we are friends

We just simply are

Despite each others standards

Or deeds,

Why in Heaven

Earth,

Or Hell,

Would you want me to question Thee?

And yes

I’m a little upset

But as I said before

It’s just because I’m tired

Oh,

If you are my friend

Why would you question me?

Oh well

I need to get some sleep

Wake me up

When you’re ready too wrestle

Or speak..

And stop playing with me

If you’re going to wake me up again

Stop you’re running away

Boasting in a whispering

That you’re the maker of days

Great and woopty-doo

If you’re going to condemn

It must not of been that great of a creation..

I’m being real here

But I don’t see you care

Freewill

Freewill

Is your spill

Freewill

Freewill

Stop giving me that shit

Let your light be lit

Quit playing with my heart

And mind

I’m not to be gambled on,

Friendship

I’ve maid my choice

When the fuck are you going to make yours???????

©Ryan Brady O’Reilly

®01/09/2002